"Paid in Full" Detention

At St.Philip's cathedral I sat in what felt like
detention after confession:

"Recite 5 Hail Mary's, and everything will be okay."
(my prescription to redemption)

Shiny wooden bench more holy than me.
Unlike it,
I would never be "good enough"
to have access to the Father.
Of it, I felt jealous...envy.

"Hail mary full of grace"
the stale words in my mouth I can still taste.
Shiny wooden bench more holy than me.

The joke that I became.

Sat I,
and recited 5 memorized "Hail Mary's"
Words that honestly,
meant not a thing to me.

Like sharing words without meaning,
Reciting poems without feeling.

"Paid in Full" detention after confession

I didn't feel any closer to The Father.
a vacancy in my soul,
still bitter,
still thirsting.

Evil shiny wooden bench more holy than me.

"Hail mary, full of grace."
The stale words in my mouth I can still taste.

The Black Makeup

The black makeup dripped from my eyes
Down my shower drain that night
After I did away with my pride
and asked His love into my life
Accepting His forgiveness…
My tears
Smeared
Black streaks down across my cheeks.
Like the red blood
The red LOVE
that creeped down His eyebrows
As He wore That piercing thorn crown
The black makeup
Smeared….
Down across my cheeks that night.
Down from my eyes rolled drops heavy of…
Lust
Greed
Disgust
For the past decisions I'd made
Remembering how
Remembering when
I said yes to the snake and
Filled baskets
with red apples.

(The sweet juice
of the forbidden
fruit
dripped…
from the corners
of my lips)

When I …
Fell away
When I…Walked away
When I…Disobeyed
What I'd heard my Heavenly Father say.

But the skin piercing crown of thorns from which he bled,

The red blood The red love
that smeared
down across his forehead,

Has set me free.
And I AM FREE…Indeed